This topic came up after I was having a lengthy discussion with a friend about the topic of children and parenting skills and how most Asians apparently seem to be experiencing a decline in the quality of parenting skills. (clearly, disapproval weighed in heavily into the discussion). Which then made me think about the question of nurture vs nature, which is one of the oldest questions in the book when it comes to children.

Which comes first? Nature? Or Nurture?

And did the chicken really cross the road.

The BaZi standpoint I think actually depends on your child. Some cases, Nature is all you need, and nurture just involves doing the bare minimal. In some cases, Nature works against you, and nurture is what makes the difference between a kid being the delinquent equivalent of a time bomb, and just a moderately difficult child.

A good way to look at this issue is to examine it in a specific context so I’m going to pick two specific contexts: Responsibility and Independence.

I have YET to encounter any parent who does not want a responsible child or a child capable of being independent. Therefore, I think it’s safe to assume that these are ‘desirable’ attributes that any parent would want in their child OR would want it cultivated in their child through ‘nurture’ techniques ( you know, like making them take out the trash or being responsible for a pet etc)

For the same of the theoretical technicalities, the star that governs both these traits (to a varying degree) is the Direct Wealth and Direct Officer Star.

Obviously, if a child already has these two stars in a positive quality in their chart, or in a manner which indicates that these qualities are a dominant part of the child’s personality (usually, either Star as main Qi of the Month Branch or within the Day Branch is usually a good indication that these qualities will dominant), then the amount of nurture work that is required is minimal. Somehow, this child will have the ability to handle themselves even if they grew up in a hugely privileged family where such qualities may not have been required of them.

By contrast, if a child does not have these qualities as a dominant part of their personality, then the amount of nurture work that is required is significantly more. Especially if the child grows up in a household or family environment where such qualities are not required off them. (lots of maids, minders, over-anxious parents/grandparents – you get the picture). Since one’s child is not inclined towards being independent and responsible, it becomes of paramount importance for the parents to ensure that they

a) make sure the home environment does not support their child’s inherent irresponsible and not very independent nature. That doesn’t mean they have to do everything themselves but it does mean they need to learn to be able to function without someone picking up after them all the time.

b) parents need to inculcate these values in their child, and try to downplay the less favourable traits.

(for those who are curious, Indirect Resource, or a lot of Rob Wealth stars, will usually make the child LESS inclined to be responsible and independent).