So, having left at least my M2 students in recent puzzlement with my ‘Life is like…’ post, I’m finally getting around to answering this one.Blame the Ox for the long hiatus between posts.

A friend once remarked that men treat life like a series of boxes.

Box #1 – Job. Box #2 – Money. Box #3 – Relationships. And so on and so forth. This relates to the ability of men to compartmentalise their life. So having a bad day with the wife is one problem which when they go off to the pub with their male friends, doesn’t come into the picture because the box that wife goes into, is not the same box that ‘drinks with the boys’ goes into.

Women on the other hand, according to this friend, see life as a ball of string. Everything is inter-connected – job, boss, boyfriend, daddy issues, money, love…we women are more ‘cosmic’ in that sense. We think everything is somehow related to something else.So when we have a bad day at the office, we take it out on the husband or boyfriend, and having drinks with the girls is invariably not just about talking about one’s relationship life (or lack thereof) but also one’s job.

Hence, men have difficulty following conversations that run into each other whilst women are used to juggling several topics in a single conversation.

So what does this have to do with BaZi? And how is it that Life is like four boxes and a string?

BaZi kind of blows the whole compartmentalised vs strung together theory about the genders. Life is about strings and boxes for EVERYONE – it’s just some of us are better at the box part, and some of us are better at the string part, and some people recognise that well, it’s both.

I arrived at this conclusion in the course of a year of concerted effort on one of my “projects” – a term I use for friends who I endeavour to assist using my BaZi knowledge. “Projects” is a polite term. They’re more like guinea pigs. Or case studies. Anyway, these are friends who have an identifiable set of goals and for whom I endeavour to explain BaZi to, so that they can achieve these goals.

Now, it is VERY HARD to change a person. Especially when you are using BaZi and you do not have total control over what they do. They might not use the dates you ask them. Or they’ll for some reason, decide to go counter to given advice. So, the trick often is to show them success using BaZi in a facet of their life that either is not of great significance (a small, but graduated start) or, to chose something that is very important, and coach them through that event.

The “hard” way by any other name.

I find it’s easier to work on a facet that is important to them (like career) but not something they’re totally worked up about. Then show them behavioral changes they can make, or action they can take. When they make the leap in that area, and see results, they then become a little more convinced. And you broaden the circle that way.

It’s of course, totally conniving. (rats, given the game away). But they don’t know it so…

The trick here is to get them to make use of the element that they need or have to utilise, but in a context wherein they will be comfortable making the change. For example, if I want a person to make more use of their Seven Killings Star, I’ll start by asking them to make a change in a leisure part of their life. So for example, participate in a contact sport, or something that requires aggression (ie: kickboxing, or maybe a racquet sport). By gradually making the person become accustomed to using that star and thus, the attributes that perhaps they never thought they had, they will become more comfortable with broadening its use in other facets of their life.

This approach also works because there are only 10 Gods, and they represent EVERYTHING in the world that we know off, and don’t know off (anyone figure out the 10 God yet for Avatar? ).  As such, getting them to utilise the element or 10 Gods in any facet of their life, is automatically progress, even if it doesn’t directly relate to the most important aspect of their life they are trying to fix.

Ultimately, the goal in Bazi is to get a person to USE the elements that are favourable or help to bring out the best in their Day Master and chart. If they’re already using it, then you want them to use it MORE. If they aren’t, then you want them to get using it.

The four boxes and the string theory operates on the idea that as long as you get them started on using a particular element or 10 God, you’re automatically going to effect progress in all areas of the person’s life, even if the initial use is restricted.

Because string represents your Character. The choices you make, the person you are, the action you take.

And are you not the SAME PERSON in all facets of your life, with the same CHARACTER? That is the consistent element that runs through all the boxes in life. So, if you are able to implement a change to your personality, character, action and choices in ONE FACET of your life, you can do so for the other facets of your life and improve them accordingly.

YOU. YOUR CHARACTER. That is the string that runs through all those boxes.

And with only 10 Gods, there is invariably an overlap between the boxes of your life, like it or not.

Why are people surprised that when a man gets rich, he trades his old wife for a new one? They assume that they ‘old wife’ was the true wife. When in reality, it may have just been the person went through a superficial Wealth Luck Pillar, and got married at the wrong time. And that his true Marriage Luck was actually later in life. (of course, there is another reason for why men trade up as well, which is that they’re just well, not individuals of character but that’s another post).

Similarly, when a woman is having problems with her boss, is it any surprise that the relationship is also imperilled? If you hate your boss, well, you probably hate your husband too. (sometimes, it’s the case if they hate the boss, they don’t hate the boyfriend, but that’s because the Day Master could be unfavourable with the Direct Officer Star, but somehow likes the 7 Killings Star).

Everything may be in boxes, but there’s a string going through it all.

Case in point – let’s say you’re trying to work with someone who has self-confidence issues, and these self-confidence issues permeate through all the facets of their life. Now, between their relationship box, and their career box, it’s a lot easier to get a person to make changes in their career box simply because the relationship box is quite hard to effect change within, since emotions are often at play.

The hope is that once you get them used to using that element in one box (ie: standing up to their boss, or maybe making a serious change to the way they look at their job or handle themselves on the job), it is easy to ‘transfer’ the skills to another box. But if they crash and burn on the first go in a difficult box, you have a harder sell convincing them to make the change more wholesale in their life.

For example, if I wanted to embolden a person by getting them to use their Seven Killings Star, which also happens to be a star that is Favourable for them to use.  I would get them to stand up to their boss. That’s very empowering, and very emboldening. Or say ‘fuck off’ to someone who was horrible to them.  Or devote a day to the Art of Mean.

And once these people see they have this kind of power or ability, they will keep using it, and using it. And in turn, they are making their Day Master better and better, because they are using an element or Star that ultimately improves the quality of their Day Master.

Every star has the potential to be favourable and unfavourable in the qualities that it exerts. A person who is very timid, also has the potential to be ferocious and do or die because the same star controls both these tendencies. A rabbit after all, will use it’s claws if cornered. It also explains why kids who are mercilessly teased and made fun off in school, are the ones who sometimes end up blowing their classmates away in a gun rampage. Seven Killings represents not just aggression and fearlessness, but also petty people, such as people who tease and mock you.

So start the change in one box. And see how it rides the string of life, into the rest of your life.