I am a terrible BaZi consultant.

I really am.

I’m solution-orientated and goal driven as a consultant.

So if you don’t know what you want, I’m a terrible Bazi Consultant.

I’m all about the bottom-line and practical, sensible advice.

So if you’re looking for someone to hold your hand and tell you everything is going to be alright, I am a terrible BaZi consultant. (I suggest you look up the Beatles and Sweetbox instead for such messages of re-assurance).

I do not believe there is such a thing as the magic bullet, golden answer, one element-career that rules them all and makes a person rich.

So if your life is in the toilet, and you think paying me is going to give you the secret of the universe, then I *definitely* am a terrible BaZi consultant and please, do not come and see me.

I am all about fiscal-responsibility and Amish-like work-ethnic.

If you want to know if you are going to strike the lottery…or find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…

Say it with me people – I am a terrible BaZi consultant.

I tell people to cut up their credit cards, pay off their debt and cut their clothes according to their cloth.

I tell certain people that money WILL buy them happiness.

I give people bad news all the time.

I start my sentences more often than not with the word ‘No’.

I cannot identify with housewives, and have been known to refer to problems as ‘housewife problems’.

I believe that women should own their own property, work for self-fulfilment,  attain excellence in life, be all they can be, and live life to the fullest.

I have no problem telling women to toss unfaithful, abusive, mean, stingy and boring husbands.

I do not answer questions about when someone is going to die because I believe that is a stupid reason NOT to do something.

I insist that clients make their own decisions in life, and walk down the path of their choice. I will not stop you from stepping into dog poo, if that is your decision and you do it with your eyes wide open.

I subscribe to the notion that everyone is responsible for their own actions, and advice is exactly that, advice.

I believe that self-actualisation and self-awareness are more important than anything a BaZi consultant can possibly say.

I tell people to see lawyers, draw up contracts, and do expensive things to cover their ass.

I encourage clients to pay their income tax and be good citizens.

I get annoyed with married male clients who ask about their ‘peach blossom’ – if you have an itch, do you have to scratch it?

I don’t believe that results are possible, without change.

I do not subscribe to motivational brainwashing of clients.

I do not believe in scaring you into doing something.

I CRUSH DREAMS.

I believe in hope, as long as it isn’t without a good dose of reality.

I’m devastingly forthright. Infuriatingly practical. Annoyingly sensible. Irritatingly detailed.

I get irritated with silly questions. I have no patience with people who don’t know what they want. I do not suffer fools gladly. I get cranky with people who whine on about how their life sucks but don’t want to take the advice they’ve paid for. If I had a stick, I’m bang it on the table or smack someone’s ankles.

I am the Gregory House, MD, of the Bazi world.

I don’t care if you hate me, as long as you do what I tell you and FIX YOUR LIFE.

I am a terrible BaZi consultant.

Or a damned good one.